“I grew up as a non-practicing non-practicing Jew, and on this trip with 25 North American Jews who fall on different ends of the spectrum of practicing Judaism, I kind of embedded myself as one of them, despite being, we would say, at one very far end of the spectrum.
And so towards the end of the program, I pulled each person aside, all of my friends who had come to embrace me as a Jew, regardless of what they thought in their traditional normal everyday life of practicing Judaism, and I asked them, "am I a Jew?" they said, "Yes, of course.
you're Jewish. we love you. We are so happy that you're here."
And then my next question, which always took them by surprise, was Would you marry me?"
We're 17.
It obviously wasn't a legitimate proposal, but it was more to try and get a sense of, well, okay, how much do you embrace me?
I won't judge you for your answer. But some folks asked if I would convert, and I was like, "Well, you did just say that I was Jewish."
It was an interesting little project to do just to understand how people thought of me, despite them all being great friends of mine even to this day and there was no hard feelings, but, just to understand how you can be an outsider even when you are part of the friend group.”
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This is a direct quote from a podcast by tech founder and leader Antonia Hellman, who I had the pleasure of having her as a client at her amazing startup called Toucan, which made the internet world feel like real life, especially during COVID when people were lonely and didn't have a lot of community.
When she started a tech company at 21, she discovered her greatest strength: the courage to ask questions. This fearless curiosity led to meaningful relationships, both personal and professional, and countless lessons learned along the way.
Now, through the QuestionAble Strategy Podcast, Antonia dives into the world of questions, exploring their significance across various industries and roles. Her goal? To empower young people to sharpen their question-asking skills and live more curious lives.
She is half Chinese. She doesn't fit the stereotype of what a Jew looks like. As a Moroccan Iranian Jew, people don't know we exist either.
This was from her interview with with Rabbi Angela Buchdahl who shares how growing up Korean, Jewish, and Buddhist shaped her curiosity and leadership.
What really shook me to my boots about this is that we can say that we're inclusive and then not be because of all of our biases. In some Jewish circles, whether you have a Jewish mom counts as whether you're Jewish or not, but in some circles, it doesn't matter. You embrace Jews for who they are.
We've had to go through the same suffering, same anti-Semitism. You're part of my people, but the ignorance comes clean when you ask these deeper questions, like she did when she said, "Will you marry me?" The question of conversion came up.
As a Jew who was once just as ignorant as the people she interviewed with, I have a story to say.
I remember being the person that maybe indirectly shamed a colleague of mine at work, who was teaching at a conservative Jewish school, who was working on a marriage to someone who wasn't Jewish. I was like, "Of course, I'm going to marry someone with a Jewish mom. I'm going to do all of these things. I just couldn't imagine how they did it." I was like, "Well, why don't you marry one of our people?"
But you never know in this world who you're going to meet and how you're going to meet them.
Lo and behold, I met my husband through a Jewish organization. He was friends with Jews. He's been doing Jewish activities his whole life. His mom is kind of sort of Jewish, but when we came to the game of "Is this Jewish enough?" maybe he wouldn't have been exactly the stereotypical check-the-box Jew that I was once threatened that I had to marry.
Lo and behold, COVID hit. When you realize the world is falling apart and it's a lonely place, you don't look for these details and what makes a partner. You look for the other values that we share.
Granted, he ended up turning out to be more Jewish than anyone I've ever dated before. I realized that if I had stayed in my closed box, I wouldn't have met this most amazing person who I have chosen to spend my life with, and I'm probably a better Jew for it.
I love how smart Antonia was at this age. I think it shows so much about the kind of person she is and who she wants to embrace.
My goal for this is that I want you to know that ChiTribe is here for the range of Jews that exist.
Even if it doesn't look like the perfect cookie-cutter Jewish identity, we're okay with it.
Our job is helping you to connect different communities.
Now, not every community that puts their stuff on our calendar is going to pass this exact same test, but we like to make it a little better.
We want you to know that at least in our community, you are welcome, and we embrace you and your friends who aren't Jewish to come to our events. I will say there is one line: "If you try to proselytize to any other religion, we will kick you out, but otherwise, we'd love to have you. Don't fear. We're here."